By Susan Brinkmann, OCDS
Staff Writer
Losing a child is certainly one of the most painful experiences a parent can endure, but just imagine having to suffer this agony twice in a lifetime. One woman not only lived through the loss of two children, she also learned how to forgive the persons responsible for their deaths.
According to the Contra Costa Times newspaper, Sally Lancaster of Alameda County, California, a devout Catholic and daily communicant, lost a baby girl named Rebecca eighteen years ago when her father accidentally ran over the child in the driveway.
“My dad never forgave himself,” Sally said, but she did.
On August 4, 2008, tragedy struck again when her 19-year-old son, Troy, was shot and killed by an acquaintance who had just been let out of jail on parole. Only a few months ago, Sally sat in the courtroom listening to a judge sentence him to 51 years to life in prison for the crime and says she prayed God would show him mercy.
“When we forgive someone, it allows us to release so much anger and pain,” Sally said. “It’s not for us to judge what makes some people do what they do. . . . Forgiving him was the least I could do. We all have to work with what we have. I think that’s what is intended for us.”
Ironically, the day of the sentencing of her son’s murderer was May 29, the feast of St. Philip Neri, the patron of the parish where Sally and Cliff Lancaster worship with their remaining six children.
Greta Rosenberger, director of RCIA and adult faith formation in the parish, said that Sally Lancaster goes to daily Mass and “prays the rosary with us after Mass.” She is also a regular attendee at the Monday evening prayer/Scripture study and a monthly women’s group.
Sally’s reaching out in forgiveness to her son’s killer is characteristic behavior, said Ms. Rosenberger. “She has a great trust in God’s perfect plan and knows that God is using Troy to pray for her entire family right now.”
According to Ms. Rosenberger, Sally believes Troy is praying for the young man who murdered him, so that both men may one day be friends in heaven.
Sally says she has been able to cope with Troy’s death in this faith-filled manner because she believes Troy “was at the peak of who he was when he died. He could have spiraled down, but he was trying to pull himself together. I think God permits things to happen and we don’t see the bigger picture.”
Part of the bigger picture might be the impact her son’s death has had on his friends, she said. “They’re starting to change and to better their lives by getting jobs and going to school. That’s really neat.”
She says they’ve begun to “put more value on life and gone deep about spiritual matters because they could be taken away too, like Troy.”
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