Mary Showed me the Way
"I was baptized Methodist. I remember attending church with my family a few times a year when I was a child and I attended church school. When I was a teenager I attended church by myself and taught Sunday school at the Presbyterian Church. I felt something was missing. I spent the night with a classmate who was Catholic and attended mass with her family. I went to mass with classmates a few times, then I continued to go by myself. I felt like I found what was missing. I decided to become Catholic when I was eighteen. Mary soon became my Mother and confidant.
I never let anyone close, I didn’t have friends, and my family situation was not good. I suffered physical, mental and sexual abuse growing up by multiple males and blocked it all out. When I remembered all the bad things that had happened to me, I blamed and doubted God. How could He let these things happen to me. I felt lost and alone. I was hiding from everyone, including Mary. I thought I healed and was ok, then several years ago, when my father died everything came flooding back again. I began to doubt God again and I was in a bad place. My friend, Michelle, told me I was in crisis and handed me a number for a counselor. I called and went to counseling for a few years. Once I recovered mentally, I began my journey to spiritual healing. I felt I needed Mary our Mother more than ever after reading a book about healing from abuse. I began to pray to Mary for guidance. I believe Mary guided me to the Holy Spirit, and I began to listen. I joined Women of Grace and have gone on retreats. I know that Women of Grace and the retreats were where I was supposed to be, both have helped me with healing and forgiveness. I have learned I can forgive without forgetting, I now know it’s okay.
As my journey continues - I’m not hiding anymore, Mary knew when she needed a friend and went to Elizabeth. I now know I can go to a friend if I need to, I’ve learned it’s ok to let people close. Mary has been with me when I’m afraid. I can feel Mary’s presence at times. Through Mary, I opened my heart to Jesus.
When I was at my first Women of Grace Malvern retreat a few years ago I had a wonderful experience. I was very nervous just being there, this was a big step for me. I still can’t put it all into words. I was overwhelmed and overjoyed at the same time. During the healing Mass, I saw Jesus in the circle of the monstrance, I was overcome... I could not stop crying. Later we were asked to keep our eyes closed and just listen. I heard my story and my friend, Jennifer, who was sitting next to me placed her hand on my knee, she knew I had been abused. At one point I felt Jesus over me; I was shaking and crying, and at that moment I knew I was supposed to be there to continue to heal. I know Mary our Mother showed me the way. This was my new beginning.
It was after this retreat that I joined Women of Grace and completed the Foundational Study. Before I began the study, I felt I had to share my whole abuse and family story with my friend Jennifer, who was our group facilitator, so I would be safe. When I began this study, I was unsure about sharing or even speaking at all. I came to believe this was the group of women I was supposed to be with to complete this study. I grew so much with every chapter. Through my growth, healing and sharing; others in the group began to thank me for helping them, they saw my growth before I did. I am very thankful to my friends who are my dear sisters in Christ, my priest Father LaBaff, Johnnette and Women of Grace for where I am today.
I’ve had other women come up to me and speak to me about their abuse or someone they know. They don’t know me but just begin to talk to me. I now know the pain from all the abuse I endured is so I can help others. Without Women of Grace, I would not have talked to others about my abuse.
Two years after my first Malvern Retreat, I shared my experience with a young Army Captain that I worked with. We were traveling to a conference for the week, and I was reading my Magnificat in the airport. He asked me what I was reading and explained that it was part of my daily prayer and that I was Catholic. He said he was Catholic but wasn’t going to Church regularly. After I let him look at it, he thought the Magnificat would be a good guide for him. I spoke with him more about how much Church meant to me and how Mary had guided me. At that moment I shared my Malvern experience with him and described what Jesus looked like when I saw Him in the circle of the monstrance. At the end of the week on our way home, he let me know how much I had helped him, and he told me he was going to go to confession and return to weekly mass. After he went to confession, he sent me a picture of a prayer card the Priest had given him, it looked like the Jesus I had described to him. He then called me to tell me he knew we were supposed to have that conversation, that everything happens for a reason, and thanked me again. He continued to attend mass and was reading his Magnificat. He has since moved and still sends a message once in a while thanking me for guiding him. Helping others is such a blessing."
-Wanda
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