A reality TV star, whose story debuted last night on a new Lifetime docuseries entitled Knocked Up, used social media to share the true story of her painful decision to give life to her child, a decision she made after turning to God in prayer.Newsbusters is reporting on the story of “Audra”, who is described in the Lifetime series as a 32 year-old woman who “cleaned up her act” after 10 years of wild partying to find sobriety and the church. Audra is one of three “carefree” and happily single women featured in the show whose “careers are just about to take off” when they become unexpectedly pregnant.
In Audra’s case, this happened after spending the night with an old friend who quickly told her he wanted nothing to do with raising a child. Audra’s own mother was against the idea of her keeping the child and refused to let her daughter move in.
What happened next was described months ago in an Instagram post where Audra described how she turned to God for clarity on what to do about the baby.
"I am a religious person and believe in a power greater than myself, one I like to call God. I had been praying for God to send me a sign- PLEASE LET ME KNOW if I was making the right decision,” she wrote. “And right then, the song ‘Sweet Child of Mine’ by Guns and Roses came on my radio. This song was NEVER on the stations I listened to BEFORE then, and has not been on since. I took it as a sign that I needed to keep my baby. It was the ‘sweet child of mine’.”
Somehow, she just knew that “God would be with me through it all. I would never be alone. With his help, I could do this. It was MY time to be a mom.”
But she wanted to do what was best for the child – allow it be raised by a mother and a father – and decided to give the baby up for adoption to friends who could give the child the life it deserved.
However, as time went on, she became more and more depressed.
“My hormones were spiraling out of control and it was holiday season," she wrote. "I told a couple of family members what happened, and after the shock wore down, they seemed supportive of my decision. As my mood became worse and worse, and I continued to get depressed, they didn’t want to be around me anymore. They started screaming at me and telling me what a bother I was. Let me just put it out there: this is NOT- I repeat NOT what you should tell an emotional, pregnant, single female! I about LOST my mind. I had ALL of these suicidal ideations come into play and can honestly say it was one of the LOWEST times in my life.
“So what did I do? Well, I cried, A LOT, and then I prayed. I prayed to God, and I prayed to my child. I sat down and wrote my baby a letter. I asked my child, through the help of God to PLEASE let me know what they wanted. I already loved my baby to the moon and back. My child was my diamond, my stars, my very SOUL. I prayed the child would tell me what to do. It still wasn’t too late for an abortion, there was adoption, and then there was...well there was ME.”
She went to bed that night and “prayed even more in my dreams.” When she woke up, she had clarity – God would help her to raise the child on her own.
In that moment, her anxiety disappeared and she found peace.
“After I made that decision, the depression IMMEDIATELY started to lift, and I slowly started to become myself again," she recounted.
The Lord would speak to her in a dream once again just after she learned the baby’s sex.
“I always felt it was a boy, and about a week ago I kept having dreams of the name Zane,” she wrote at the time. “I looked up the name definition, and Zane means ‘a gift from God.’”
“I wanted to share my journey because one thing I know for sure, is that I am NOT alone. If you, or someone you know is struggling with pregnancy, and wanted someone to talk to, in private or in person, PLEASE feel free to reach out to me! I am an ear who would LOVE to listen. Women like me need the support of others. It is crucial.”
Baby Zane is now four months old – happy, healthy, and all hers!
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