Now that same-sex marriage is the law of the land, it is inevitable that most of us will one day face the occasion of being invited to a same-sex wedding. Is it permissible for a Catholic to attend such a wedding?

Even though there is no canon law that forbids a Catholic from attending a same-sex (or any other illicit) marriage ceremony, there are certain moral principles that must be considered before a Catholic decides how to proceed.

As this article in Catholics United for the Faith (CUF) explains, the most important thing to consider is how to avoid any actions that could cause scandal or encourage others to sin. Everything we do must encourage and promote salvation for all involved, from the same-sex couple to the other guests. As Christians, we are called to “be in the world, but not of the world” (Jn. 17:15-19) and to participate in the lives of others in a way that witnesses to the truths of Jesus Christ and His Church.

“You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how shall it’s saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trodden under foot by men. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid. Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven (Mt. 5:13-16).”

Jesus didn’t hesitate to associate Himself with sinners, nor should we; but we must do so in a way that doesn't make it look as though we are condoning sin. Remember, as the Catechism teaches, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them. This cooperation in sin occurs by: 1) participating directly and voluntarily in them; 2) by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them; 3) by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so; 4) by protecting evil-doers (No. 1868).

We would be well advised to do a thorough examination of conscience, preferably with a spiritual director or confessor, to determine if we might be cooperating in the sin of the same-sex couple by attending the wedding and celebration afterward.

Bishop Thomas Tobin of the Diocese of Providence, Rhode Island, gave similar advice to his flock on the subject of homosexual "marriage".

 “[I]t is important to affirm the teaching of the Church, based on God’s word, that ‘homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered,’ (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #2357) and always sinful. And because ‘same-sex marriages’ are clearly contrary to God’s plan for the human family, and therefore objectively sinful, Catholics should examine their consciences very carefully before deciding whether or not to endorse same-sex relationships or attend same-sex ceremonies, realizing that to do so might harm their relationship with God and cause significant scandal to others.”

Shortly after the U.S. Supreme Court issued its landmark decision in the Obergefell v. Hodges case, Bishop Michael Jarrell of the Diocese of Lafayette, Louisiana issued an ever more firm directive to the parishioners in his diocese: “All Catholics are encouraged not to attend same-sex weddings.”

But what if this situation involves a family member, such as a son or a daughter? How can we skip the wedding and still maintain some kind of relationship with our loved one? Wouldn’t a refusal to attend cause a rift that would preclude any chance at all of allowing Christ’s light to shine in their lives?

These are certainly valid concerns, but none of them should take precedence over the need to refrain from causing scandal or encouraging others to sin because this involves the  salvation of their souls and their eternal life.

Catholic theologian and author, Eric Sammons, says there is a way to decline to attend a non-valid marriage – such as that of Catholics marrying outside the Church or divorced persons remarrying without first obtaining an annulment - and still save the relationship.

“ . . . [S]peaking from personal experience, I can say that one can decline an invitation to a nonvalid family wedding . . . and still maintain a solid relationship with the participants. But to do so must build on a foundation of copious prayer, serious discussion with the couple of the reasons for declining, and continual expressions of love (in word and action) for the people involved. Even if the family member doesn’t agree with your decision, he can come to see that it is at least grounded in sincere love.”

When it comes to same-sex marriage, this situation is even more clear-cut because it doesn’t even appear to be a true marriage.

“Not only is it not a valid marriage, but it is a mockery of the essential nature of marriage, which is a union between a man and woman for the purposes of unity and procreation,” Sammons writes. “An invalid marriage between a man and a woman at least has the potential to eventually be recognized by the Church (if and when any impediments are overcome), but this is not the case with a homosexual marriage.

“Thus, it is hard to conceive of a compelling argument for a Catholic to attend such an event. One’s presence publicly lends support to the very idea of same-sex marriage, thus undermining the foundations of one of the Church’s seven sacraments.”

In this increasingly pluralistic society, it is essential that all persons, Christians and non-Christians, recognize the fact that we have a right - and a duty - to follow our conscience.

As the Catechism teaches, “Man has the right to act in conscience and in freedom so as personally to make moral decisions. ‘He must not be forced to act contrary to his conscience. Nor must he be prevented from acting according to his conscience, especially in religious matters’” (No. 1782).

Even though at the present time in U. S. history, the rights of the LBGT population and prevailing “PC” attitudes are taking precedence over the rights of Christians, no one should prevent us from following our conscience – neither the government, the community, nor the members of our own family.

Be supportive, be loving, be understanding, but be firm in your convictions. Remember, “your reward will be great in heaven” (Matt. 5:12) and one day, when you are lying on your deathbed, nothing will be more precious to you than this promise.

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