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“I look forward, not to what lies ahead of me in this life and will surely pass away, but to my eternal goal. I am intent upon this one purpose, not distracted by other aims, and with this goal in view I press on, eager for the prize, God's heavenly summons. Then I shall listen to the sound of Your praises and gaze at Your beauty ever-present, never future, never past. But now my years are but sighs. You, O Lord, are my only solace. You, my Father, are eternal. But I am divided between time gone by and time to come, and its course is a mystery to me. My thoughts, the intimate life of my soul, are torn this way and that in the havoc of change. And so it will be until I am purified and melted by the fire of Your love and fused into one with You.”
- Augustine of Hippo, Confessions
St Augustine seems to be in a good place reading this quote until the last three sentences and I realize as I read his thoughts, I am nearing these same ideas – will the thoughts of my soul be torn this way and that in the “havoc of change” as I near death, until I am purified and melted by the fire of God’s love? Is it anxiety for the time to pass quickly or fear of the unknown? This brings to mind his other quote: ““You have made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You.” Lord, help me to be at peace with your will and have the grace of a happy death. St. Augustine and St. Joseph, pray for me!