Ellen BurkhardtCommentary by Susan Brinkmann, OCDS
When Ellen Burkhardt of Minnesota wrote about a positive article for Salon Magazine about what it's like to be a 26 year-old virgin, she never expected the avalanche of support she received on social media.
According to the Daily Mail, Burkhardt's article was candid about what it's like to play the dating game while remaining committed to saving sex for marriage. She calls herself a Christian, but "not a Bible-thumping, the-world-is-going-to-hell-in-a-handbasket Christian, but a (sexually) conservative, Bible-believing, traditionally raised Minnesota Lutheran girl who was taught that sex is for marriage and that's that."
This doesn't always end well in today's wildly promiscuous dating world.
'I should be better at sharing this bit of information by now. I'm a 26-year-old woman with a college degree, a good job, an adorable duplex and no debt. I have a solid group of friends, a supportive family and a clear awareness of who I am and who I want to be. By most accounts, I am a successful human being. Yet the moment I have to tell the guy I'm dating that sex is not an option, I become a squirmy, awkward, fidgety girl who can't make eye contact or put together a complete sentence."
And for good reason. Virginity just doesn't play well on the dating scene.
"Every guy reacts differently to the No Sex bomb," she writes about "The Chat" she is often forced to have with her prospective suitors.
"Some play it cool while calculating how to coerce me into changing my mind. (This usually involves the showing off of foreplay moves, tales of the extreme pleasures I’ve been missing and/or purring that they don’t mind waiting — unless it’s going to be, like, two years, in which case they’re not so sure.) Some bail immediately. Some fake acceptance — and then bail a few dates later. And some truly give celibacy their best shot before breaking down and, yep, bailing."
Burkhardt insists that her decision to remain chaste until marriage has not made her unhappy. Instead, she says, "I've come to realize that of all the experiences and opportunities offered in life, to love someone is the most precious."
Perhaps it was her positive and nonjudgmental approach that caused the article to go viral - and to garner a surprisingly upbeat response from readers. It caused such a splash, in fact, that Burkhardt landed herself an interview with CBS Local to talk about the national dialogue she was starting about the subject of virginity.
"Clearly I've hit a nerve, and maybe more people feel the way I do, then we realize and they've just been too intimidated to share that perspective," Burkhardt said and hopes her article will encourage other people who are choosing to join this very special minority group.
"Take the time to really find out who you are, what you want," she said. "Once you figure that out, just stick to it. For me, it's not having sex until I'm in love and married."
Her honest and nonjudgmental article has won her praise from just about everywhere. More commenters than you might guess admitted on Salon's website to still being virgins 24, 26, or even 33 years old and none of them were apologizing for it. Yes, there were the usual hate-mongerers who disparage anyone who doesn't tow the liberal sexual-promiscuity-for-all-so-Planned-Parenthood-can-stay-in-business mantra but they were in the minority.
The response from social media was even more positive. As Twitter user @Bre wrote: "We need more people like Ellen Burkhardt in this world...she's just telling her story without judging others."
How does she feel about the dust-up she created with her honest revelations? @Burkcity says: "I feel excited, stunned & more motivated than ever to keep the dialogue going."
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