Commentary by Susan Brinkmann, OCDSA judge in England has been confronted with an incredibly twisted custody case for an autistic nine year-old girl born via artificial insemination to lesbian parents whose transsexual stepfather now wants to care for her.
The Daily Mail is reporting on the story of a little girl known only as "Alice" who is caught in the perverse web of what some like to call a “modern family”. The following are the bizarre details of this little girl’s “family”:
Alice was born to her lesbian mother following artificial insemination. Her biological sperm donor father was in a gay relationship at the time. She was three years old when her mother, who was suffering from schizophrenia, was detained in a mental hospital. Her mother’s partner became Alice’s full-time parent, and took her to live with her and her new partner, who was a female-to-male transsexual who has since completed the process of becoming a man. The three lived together as a family for three years until that relationship ended.
Alice, who was now seven years old, went to live with her mother’s former lesbian partner and her step-sisters, but continued to have regular contact with her biological mother and father.
In the meantime, her stepmother’s transsexual former partner came forward to say she also wanted to play a part in Alice’s life because the child saw her as a “father figure” and called her “dad”.
Judge Bellamy ruled against this last request, saying that Alice’s life was already complicated enough (to put it mildly). The transsexual might have become Alice’s “social and psychological parent” but other factors needed to be weighed.
“These include the range of adults with whom Alice already engages, the health needs of some of those adults and the fact that Alice is autistic,” the judge told the court.
It was a good call. As it turns out, Alice’s stepmother admitted to becoming concerned about the child’s behavior when she was living with the transsexual “stepfather”.
“Whilst (they) were cohabiting, (the girl) began to call herself (a boy's name) and stated that she was a boy,” said the judge. In addition to sometimes wearing boys’ clothes, “There were times when she avoided playing with gender-appropriate toys. (The non-biological mother) was very concerned about this. She felt that (the transsexual) was encouraging this behavior. (He) denies that that was the case. (The non-biological mother) says that this behavior has stopped since she and (the transsexual) separated.”
Who could envy Judge Bellamy’s position in such a complicated case, which is made even more troubling by considering the fact that Alice’s biological mother suffers from serious mental and physical health problems and her transsexual stepfather suffers from stress-related seizures. Are these people really capable of caring for her when they obviously can't even care for themselves?
“Families are formed in different ways these days and the law must attempt to keep up and to respond to developments,” the judge told the court. “Alice's story is an example of the different ways in which modern family life is formed. Modern family life can be complicated.”
Complicated is too nice a word for this entire heartbreaking scenario, from the mother’s lesbianism and mental illness to the transsexual’s confusion and possible coercive conduct amidst constant hook-ups and break-ups that have already left this innocent child scarred for life. If a judge can’t make sense of it, how can an autistic nine year-old?
This is what happens when misguided and mentally ill people are given the “right” to tinker with the most important social structure of our society – the family. Everyone suffers – the parents, the child, and the rest of us.
The only way to stop ourselves from sliding any further down this slippery slope is to learn how to say “no” to those who put their own self-gratification above the needs of the world they live in. Let them call us whatever names they will – bigot, homophobe, hater. Anything is better than watching even one more child grow up in a world as unnatural and unhealthy as that of little Alice.
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